Love Capsule: I kept pushing my soulmate away while all my lovers walked all over me

I've always been a very nurturing and caring partner. And I can now proudly say that about myself because I have made peace with the fact that there's nothing wrong with acknowledging your qualities. I'm an absolute giver when it comes to relationships and all I ask for in return is reassurance. I'm a Cancerian, what else do you expect? I've jumped from one relationship to the other ever since I started understanding the concept of dating, love, relationships, etc.Never been someone who would get into something just out of boredom or to get over someone else. But I've never been able to keep myself without having someone around constantly. Even if the two of us were to sit in silence, I wouldn't complain as long as you are present in my life. That's all about my romantic relationships.
I've never had a lot of friends. But I have a couple of whom I can count on. They know how I am, not just from the outside, how I portray myself to the world, but my vulnerabilities too. They have seen me cry over guys who didn't deserve my tears and give all my time to guys who didn't even deserve a look from me. And they've very well tried to get me out of stupid situations too where I obsessed over someone I recently met and thought of spending my entire life with. Do I sound crazy? Maybe. But to my best friend, I was just this innocent person with the biggest heart who'd only see the goodness in others. Do you know what's the disadvantage of being a good person? You let the other person take control of how they treat you instead of showing them how you should be treated. You give that person the authority to talk and behave however they want with you while you suffer in silence.
That's how all my relationships have been, one-sided. I keep giving and giving all my love, attention, care and support to one person who ultimately walks all over me. And this hasn't just happened once. It keeps happening over and over again. Wondering what my friend does while I let someone else take control of my life? Well, she doesn't get to have a say. I argue with her each time she has an opinion about who I shouldn't be with and what I shouldn't tolerate in a relationship. I push her away every time I get into a new romantic relationship and only focus on that one person. But do you know who's there when all my romantic relationships end? My best friend. Do you know who I run to when my partner gives me an unacceptable reason to end the relationship? My best friend.
It's taken me years, precisely 7 years, to understand that I have been looking for a soulmate in the wrong person. Romance has had all my attention all these years, and it might have in the future too. But I have come to terms with the fact that my best friend is my soulmate. She is always there for me when a lost lover walks away from my life. She has always been there through the messiness, the ugliness and the moments I felt most unworthy. It took me time to realize that she's not entered my life by accident, she doesn't bring me so much joy by chance. She's come to teach me, grow with me and show me how to truly laugh, let go and enjoy life with her just the same.